Happy Father's Day Papa

6th May, 2010, early morning, I try to open my eyes and gather faint memories of the previous night. Ah… I still am in Chennai. I look around and hear someone taking a bath in Gujarat Bhawan’s small room where we had checked in a few days back. It brings smile on my face as I know he is still there, and I am not alone. We got ready in the usual monotonous way. He followed his daily morning schedule and brought some coffee and breakfast. All this while he kept on repeating list of things that I should be doing when he is not around.
Since yesterday morning he had been instructing me on how to live alone in a new place, a new city, a new state and a new culture. He was not the only one; my cell phone had been beeping since the time I woke up. My two ears were devoted to two different people, one who seemed worried about how I will manage next one month all on my own in an unknown surrounding. The other was also worried up to a certain extent, but about my frantic mood swings and what was held for him in the coming month.
With a bag pack on my back, a big suitcase in one hand and a cell phone in the other, reading and replying to the stream of messages, I followed him. We hired an auto, bargained over the money demanded, finally gave in, and started our journey. Chennai Central was not that far and I knew that all the last minute instructions were being repeated by him. I was more interested in knowing what was in store for the next month and was busy texting.
All of a sudden I heard something and it was not the regular monologue. He snapped, “Constantly over this phone of yours, are you even listening to what I have to say? You keep on talking with people who don’t value your time or your presence. Having friends is nice, but being obsessed about them is not good.” I was still grappling to understand the connotative meaning behind these lines. But anyway, there was a more interesting conversation going on, on the other end. My mind ordered both my ears and eyes to concentrate on messages and continue texting.
We had reached Chennai Central. His train to Ahmedabad was about to leave in half an hour. I bid a hurried good-bye as I was upset with him for scolding me since morning. May be I was just trying to divert my emotions from the fear of being alone to that of anger. I started walking with the crowd, pretending to be lost among hundred others. Did I see him properly for the last time? “Grrrr… ok, muster some courage and turn around, turn before it is too late”, I thought, though had lost all hopes of seeing him there.
I was sure that by this time he would have crossed the sub-way and might have reached on the other side of the road, and yet I turned, and to my surprise or somewhere deep down I knew, that he would be there. Like a child, who is about to lose his precious gift, he was looking at me, walking through the crowd. He made me realize that however hard I will try merging in crowds his caring and protecting eyes will always identify me. He made me feel warm, secure and protected. The feeling of SOON HE WILL BE GONE dawned upon me, and I ran… ran back towards him. All I could manage was, “Papa, have a safe journey, call me once your train departs, do not forget those mendu-vadas at Vijayvada and don’t worry I’ll be good.” He smiled and said bye. Few other silent moments followed, I asked him to leave and he said, “you leave I’ll go once you reach the bus stand”. I said “Bye, papa”, and walked away from him, but it seemed like I was getting more close to him.
Water droplets seemed to be rolling down my face but it was not raining. A stream of tears was flowing from my eyes, “What will I do without him?” was all I could think. I am all alone, without him. Just then my phone beeped, the message said, “Don’t worry Zalak, we are not even near the silence zone. I am always there.”