6th September, 2011

After a lovely day at office I returned back home. Since past few days he was keeping ill but today he seemed very weak. In a hushed, fearful voice I whispered in my aunt’s ear, “You think he will survive this night?” She smiled and said, “Yes.”

19^th June, 1987: It was past 10.30 p.m. when he walked inside my room, I was lying next to my sleeping mum. He sat patiently on sofa by our bed and gave me a nervous smile. Mom woke up; he stood up and said, “You rest! No need to get up. I just came to see her.” He started walking out of the room when my mother said, “You don’t want to hold her?” He stopped on his way and nervously opened his arms. My mother placed me in his arms. I don’t remember but I am sure he would have smiled at me. This was the first time I met my grandpa.

Chocolates were our common weakness. I reached my pockets and found one lying there, only one. This time I did not ask for a share and gently slipped it inside his mouth. I sat by his side while rest of them were having their dinner. He was sleeping and I was taking walk down the memory lane. He could drive nothing apart from his cycle. I would be in 3^rd or 4^th STD., when he would make me sit behind his cycle and we would go to buy grocery and vegetables. On our way back he would make me calculate total weight on the cycle. He would buy me a cream roll and chewing gum as a reward for accompanying him.

As days passed the weight on our cycle increased. First I was dropped out, than the vegetable bags and finally he stopped cycling. We reversed our roles. Now I drove my scooty and he was on the pillion seat. This time we went to banks and post office. Every month after he would withdraw his pension, we would have ice cream, actually ice creamsssss. One after the other, we would eat four to five ice creams in one go.

Born and brought up in Farhadi, a small village in Kutch, my grandpa was sent to Dholka for further studies. He could never return back to Kutch. After serving in army during the World War II in Burma, he returned back to Gujarat and settled in Ahmedabad. He served as a post master in various post offices across Ahmedabad and built a small house in Shahpur. When he retired from office, his two younger sons were still studying in school. He became a postal insurance agent and assured that they completed their education. While one became a civil engineer from L. D. Engineering College, the other finished his M.B.B.S from Jamnagar Medical College. His struggles had made him a strong man.

In these last few months his health had deteriorated and confined him inside the house. Still the monthly ice cream treats did not stop. Now we included rest of the family in our party. Due to sodium deficiency he would at times go back in time or visualize things out of his imagination. Someone had to sleep by his side at night. I had been his night watchman since 3 months now but past 3 odd days he had not been keeping well sending me back in my room. When I am sitting by his side now, I realized that he probably was the only person who loved me unconditionally. He never expected anything and gave me all he could.

The jitters were not settling and I decided to sit by his side and read 12^th and 15^th adhyay from Bhagwat Geeta. After chocolate and ice cream, Geeta was our common love. He was still going stable and I retired for the day. After trying to sleep for some time, I gave up the idea and headed towards kitchen. I came out of my room and almost collided in my aunt. She looked at me and said, “Dada”. I knew what she meant. I had known it since the time I walked in house today evening. I knew lots of preparations were to be made for the next morning. I sat by his bed and started reading something. It was around 4.00 am when the void started settled in. The room turned hazy and my cheeks got wet, I could feel somebody’s arms closing down on me. I wanted it to be him. But it was my father.

I never brought ice cream for him with my salary and now he would not be able to attend my wedding. These are the two things that I will regret forever. Some people leave a void in your life which is difficult to fill. He was one of them.